My Car's Smaller
Two men (Jeff and Bruce) on stage are making small talk about cars. A woman walks onstage, the guys quickly notice and the competition begins.
Bruce: (saying loudly enough for the woman to hear) I just bought a Hummer last week.
The woman immediately responds.
Rebecca: Really. Wow! Maybe we should go out sometime.
Jeff: Yah, if you like guys with small packages.
Bruce: Excuse me!
Jeff: A Hummer? Clearly you're overcompensating for a very little (gestures to Bruce's package). I don't need a fancy ride. I relay on other assets (gestures to his package) to draw in the ladies... if you know what I mean. I just drive a Ford Explorer.
Rebecca: Oh my god! Really?! (runs over and hangs on the arm of Jeff). That’s such an average car, you must be so above average (giggles, and looks towards package).
Bruce: (distraught he lost the girl) But...um… wait! Did I say Hummer? I meant an ’89 Ford Bronco.
Rebecca: Oh my god! (runs over and hangs on the arm of Bruce) That car is hideous. You must be huge.
Jeff: (wants the girl back, and caught up in the competition) I actually used to own a Ford Explorer. Now, I just drive a teenie weenie Mustang
Rebecca: You stud! (runs over and hangs on the arm of Jeff)
Bruce: Renault Fuego!
Rebecca runs over and hangs on the arm of Bruce.
Jeff: Gremlin!
Rebecca runs over and hangs on the arm of Jeff.
Bruce: Pinto!
Rebecca runs over and hangs on the arm of Bruce.
Begin Good, Bad, Ugly theme. The guys begin walking in a circle. A shoot out with words is about to begin
Jeff: I drive a golf cart!
Bruce: Pretty fancy! I roll on a John…. Deere…riding…. lawn mower!
Jeff: Did you notice my horses outside? Yah… roll on a Wells Fargo stagecoach!
Bruce: A Rascal!
Jeff: Segue way!
Bruce: Rick Shaw!
Jeff: 10 Speed Bike!
Bruce: 1 Speed Bike!
Jeff: Unicycle!
Rebecca has stopped running back and forth and for the last few exchanges has been chatting with another guy who walked on stage. He asks her out (all mimed) and they walk off stage.
End Good, Bad, Ugly theme. Finally Bruce and Jeff come to their senses, and realize she’s gone. They look off stage, “seeing” her and this guy walk away.
Bruce: Where’d she go?
Jeff: I don’t know…
Suddenly, Rebecca with a new guy walk onto the stage, moving upstage right to left. Rebecca is very smitten with the guy, and doesn’t mind displaying it.
Bruce: Who’s this?
Rebecca: Sorry boys. I found myself a man.
Jeff: Whoa. Wait a second. What do you drive?
Craig: Me? Oh, I just walk everywhere.
Rebecca and guy walk off stage.
Jeff: Jesus! He just walks everywhere!
Bruce: He must be hung like a horse!
Jeff: Or, a giraffe.
Bruce: Or, an elephant!
Jeff: Or, an whale!
Begin Good, Bad, Ugly theme again (isn’t reincorporating fun!). The guys give each other competitive looks. Begin the silly shoot out circling again.
Fade lights
